The Heart of The One Leaving

Growing up, I realized that I'm constantly challenged about something – my future. Everytime I am faced by an unsettling situation, I would ask myself “until when do I allow this to happen?” then unconsciously (or not) will ask for a change until I get it. I might not get the change immediately but I believe it’s always on the way.

I know how terrifying change is. I may be a risk taker but at the back of my mind, I would cringe and think of a rewind. Primarily because the fear of failure is there. The discomfort. The fear of the new. Change is constant and leaving from something is part of it.

“You get a strange feeling when you leave a place, like you’ll not only miss the people you love, but you miss the person you are at this time and place because you’ll never be this way ever again..” – Pinterest 

Wait, what? Ok, I am scared. As a matter of fact, I’m anxious. I sure did go outside my comfort zone few times but this time is different. Because life moves on for everybody but mine is different. I am going to that direction of uncertainty where I have to start a new life all by myself in a place where I can only trust my guts and instinct. A life that I asked and prayed for. Well, they said to be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

…but not how you envisioned it.

Yup, you heard it. I thought I was ready but I’m not. I didn’t expect it to be this life changing. The life I’m used to. My routine. My favorite mall. My favorite home-cooked meal. My go-to person/s. My house. My work space. My family and friends…and Wolfgang.
Everytime people send me their well wishes, I would always ask them to pray for me. I’m not religious but my faith tells me that prayers work (and can move mountains too).

“I left because I had other dreams. It was like outgrowing my favorite blanket and pair of pajamas when I was a child. What I once needed for peaceful sleep suddenly caused discomfort and restlessness. I needed to give in to growth that was inevitable. And life is too short for ill-fitting jammies, uncomfortable sheets, and for settling with high school and college dreams that were already fulfilled.” – Tricia Zafra  

To those who’ve decided to leave for good reason/s, I salute you. It’s not easy. You pretend to be brave but your mind is all over the place. You embrace the new hoping not to regret anything along the way. You will be sad everytime you miss your comfort zone but you will be fine. To those who will be left behind, I salute you too. You pretend to be OK with it but the truth is, you didn’t have a choice but to accept it.

So from the heart of the one leaving, if everything is easy, victory will not be as tasteful as that tequila shot I’ve been dying to take since last night.

Wish me luck! x