Risk Takers

According to Wikipedia, In 2013, the Commission on Filipinos Overseas (CFO) estimated that approximately 10.2 million Filipinos worked or resided abroad. And the largest population overseas is none other than the Land of Free. From this number, the percentage of Filipino emigrants and or immigrants that do not have proper documents is still unknown (need for further research, will get back to you on this).

Also from Wikipedia, Filipino diaspora was sort of a temporary solution during Marcos' time to address two issues: oil issues, and to ease the unemployment problem in the country.

As promised, this is not a political post but rather a point of view from a person who's a product of two (2) OFWs.

Leaving home to emigrate or immigrate is most of the time, a big decision to make. It's never easy. Have you heard of the term “brain drain” ? Yes, it’s true. It’s a combination of diaspora and migration of skilled workers and professionals to move out in search of a better life. And when you're out there and you see a small window that would bring you and your family together, risk takers would definitely take it. Why? Because, why not.

But then again, this is a small window that could be closed anytime. And if that happens, the risk takers are left with 2 choices: some would take more risks to reach the ultimate goal, while some would quit and fold.

This post may not make sense to others. Nevertheless, I hope something from the other side of the coin will somehow make it to the social media as an eye opener to us, all. We will not judge. If the risk takers decide to come home, we should open our arms and embrace them once again. Because those balikbayan boxes that, arrive in our doorstep full of imported goodies that we demanded, were products of their braveness.

At the end of the day, the family / loved ones who were left behind will cherish the fruits from the risk takers. If shit happens, let’s just deal with it later. Que sera sera.

My Life Teacher: Father's Day Special

Today, I pulled out one of our photo albums from the cabinet. It was dusty as it remained untouched for a long time since e-photo came to the world. My purpose was to reminisce the good memories I had with daddy. 

This photo was my first birthday, 14 Aug 1986.

If you ask me how many birthdays I had with Dad physically with us.. I'd say, few times. Not sure, actually.

Dad was a seafarer. He spent almost all his life away from home. We didn't have much moments together when we were growing up. He wasn't the one who taught me how to ride a bike. He wasn't there when I learned how to swim. To play the piano, the guitar.

But I never hated him for that. Because growing up, he taught me bigger things.

He taught me to dream for the stars. He taught me to never doubt myself. He said if there's a tiniest chance of getting it, then do it. He taught me not to self-pity. With all his tough love, I grew up having a strong heart. He was a people person and he showed me how having tons of people around looked like. It was fun until you're left alone realizing that not all things are worth it. He said people come and go so be prepared to learn things the hard way (for that matter).

He was my life teacher. He was my hero.

This Father's Day is painful for me to celebrate. Had been cringing since those father's day feels started to kick in. I hope he's with us today. There are no words to describe the heartache I’m feeling and how much I miss him... but that's life now and will never be the same again.

So here's to all the daughters who have lost their father but trying to be a living testimony of their father's greatness! There will be more heartbreaking moments like these so let's brace ourselves and try to cherish we had together.

I love you daddy. This time, I will not wish or wonder if I made you proud. But rather, wish that I made you feel how proud I was of you.

Cheers!

Rainbow

World Health Organization defines depression as "a common illness worldwide, with more than 300 million people affected. Depression is different from usual mood fluctuations and short-lived emotional responses to challenges in everyday life. Especially when long-lasting and with moderate or severe intensity, depression may become a serious health condition. It can cause the affected person to suffer greatly and function poorly at work, at school and in the family. At its worst, depression can lead to suicide. Close to 800,000 people die due to suicide every year. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in 15-29-year-olds."

I can only talk about depression from my own experience so I would appreciate your understanding.

When Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer in September 2017, the whole family went from denial stage to depression. I myself couldn't believe that it could hit a person that's known with a strong immune system until I, myself witnessed his health deteriorating.

It was excrutiating, really. My friend who had a similar situation became my manual and she told be what to expect and whatnot.

I was confused. Everything went extra stressful including work not to mention my attitude towards friends and colleagues. I wasn't sure if things normally became more difficult or I was just vulnerable. I guess until today, I still don't have the answer.

I am a strong person. I had a lot of struggles in life that no one could've experienced. I am strong because I survived (and still surviving). I know that some people are having worst but let's not compare more and just leave it right here.

But when Dad died, I forgot how strong I was. I can still remember his last moments when he even had the energy to ask me "ito na ba ang feeling ng naghihingalo?"

I answered him "yes daddy, yan na siguro yun.." without dropping a tear.

Crying is not a thing for our family. I wasn't raised like that. We were not vocal and showy with our emotions either. We curse, we give tough love, but we don't show our weaknesses.

But during that specific moment, my heart was crushing, my whole body was in pain. But I had to contain my emotions because there's another person struggling with me in that same room. She never asked helped from me but I felt it and that was the least I could do. I always thought I got my strong heart from Dad but I guess Mom is stronger.

After Dad's funeral, I went back to work immediately because I was afraid. I was afraid to face the reality. I was afraid to feel weak. I was afraid to grieve.

Then I realized, I was depressed. The day when the 1st tear dropped after Dad's passing, that was the day I started to feel everything.

I felt alone. I guess I got tired of being strong. I didn't want anybody's support. I wasn't open for anything. I went back to black. I thought that nobody will ever understand the pain until it's there time to feel it too.

Because when Dad died, I felt like I died with him too.

I started questioning things. I wanted to hate everyone. I wanted to talk to God in person and ask Him why. I wanted to hate Him too. I got mad.

I also didn't understand why some people get to be happy around me while I'm at my lowest point of my life.

I fell flat on the ground hitting the rock bottom. I was done.

But God was NOT.

While I admitted to myself the depression part, He must've felt it too. More confusing days came and so I went back praying. I realized that if nobody could really help me, then it's just me to help myself. Because while I couldn't keep my sheets dry, the world will still revolve and life must still go on.

"But please promise to forgive yourself for all the choices you thought were good for you, for following your heart even if it was against the will of people around you, for all the times you felt weak and at rock-bottom." - Thought Catalog

I learned to forgive myself and opened my heart to forgive others as well. I also learned that not everyone can really understand what I'm going through but I need to give them a chance to absorb things and be a help during my bad days.

I'm not afriad to die. The scary part is knowing that every love one will die too.

But there's heaven. And I know its real.

Months later, I guess I'm feeling better. I may cry again later, tomorrow, or the next day.. but I know I'm stronger.

I will never be as normal as I was before but who cares about being normal anyway? I will always miss Dad but I know everytime I think of him, he will just be in my heart to comfort me.

Happier days will come. I claim it!

Like Rainbows :-)