it is what it is.

But what I've learned about closure is that it's not necessary. If you don't get the closure you wanted from others then find that closure within yourself. - Thought Catalog

Mostly, we wait for closure before we take the next step even if we are in a situation that constantly makes us feel worse about our self. We hope that someone would just say it to our face and give us a solid b*tch slap so we can move on already.  

Move on from that job application that you've been wanting all your life. Move on from that car you can never buy. Move on from that weight you can only achieve if you die from hunger. Move on from your favorite celebrity couple who made you love them like your own offspring. Move on from that social status you will never get because you spend more than you earn. Move on from that kind of friendship that was as fake as her eyelashes. Move on from that jerk who said he wanted you but he was just bored that’s all. Etc etc etc etc.

Closure is like signs. We look for signs to affirm our planned decision. And let's be real here - one of the hardest decisions would be to either give up or keep chasing pavements (yes, that's Tita Adele right there).

We can wait, sure. But waiting means taking that leap of faith as well. Life doesn't stop while we wait. That's not how life works. Life's a game - an unfair game as we call it. But we continue to strive more while we wait for our turn. And when that time comes, that’s like that cold beer you’ve been dreaming on a summer day or that hot chocolate on a winter morning.   

As we all end 2019 soon, let it serve as a closure to everything that we've been frustratingly waiting to happen. Because sometimes the longer we wait for closure, we tend to ignore the fact that it is what it is.

khalas!

Keep Calm and Carry On!

The thing about writing something and posting it online is that you can go back and read tf your mind worked that time lol.

There’s so much to reflect about this year but what’s significant is that 2019 had me embrace change more than I could ever imagine.

“During your transformation, you might feel like everything is falling apart, but in reality, everything is coming together for your highest good. You’re being pushed to evolve and get out of your comfort zone so you can live and experience your true greatness. Welcome change.” - Anonymous

Every chance I get, I would look back to last year and the year before that. Not to emote or something but I look back to those times when I was too broken while I hold on to that very weak string about to give up because of depression. When I reached the rock bottom but I managed to pull up and be glad that I made it back to being whole again. When something like that happens to you, when you feel like you’re struggling to get out from a black hole or you feel like everything's going against you, look for change because change will save you from it. Well ok, I’m not sure if it applies to everyone but it definitely worked for me. Fortunately, change came this year. Because of what I endured, I felt like I’m a totally different person with a bunch of lessons learned from last time. New perspective and I definitely know the subtle way of not giving a f anymore (except when I’m on PMS).

The decision I made of leaving PHL to work abroad for longer term was a big step. Those people who think that overseas work-life is alright, wait until you experience it yourself. You guys think that you know, but you have no idea.

My situation is somewhat better because of some perks but what’s different is that, in less than a year, I’ve moved to 2 countries already and moving from one to another is not easy! Just when you thought that everything’s like home already, you realize that it’s time to get your sh*t together because you need to pack your life again and move. You again start from scratch; you play by your own judgement – trusting your instincts. Someone told me that it seemed that I adjust easily but dude it’s not even close. I struggle too but I always find ways to be relieved. The thing about moving, it’s like you’re not allowed to get too attached to something and someone because you will have to leave (again) soon. And that’s terrible but I guess I need to learn how to deal with it. So yeah, whatever.

Nevertheless, I’m grateful for everything and for all the fond memories from this year. Thank you, Lord for 2019. I’m thankful especially to the people who have touched and changed my life forever. My shenanigans and stupid whatnots. Those temporary emotions lol.

I don’t know what the future holds but I’m definitely excited for 2020.  So, cheers to positivity... Keep calm and carry on!

Nigeria

It is like a routine check for me to do some research before coming to a new place. I check photos, videos, I read Wikipedia, testimonies, travel blogs/vlogs, watch movies, etc. While I try to learn things about a place, what I don't realize is that I'm mostly bombarded with stereotypes.

Chumamanda Ngozi Adichie, a Nigerian writer, once said during her session on TED Talk that "the problem with stereotypes is not that they are untrue, but that they are incomplete. They make one story become the only story."

The people who actually follow my social media accounts would know how much I enjoyed Nigeria. I sometimes receive very interesting comments but I also understand that some are really curious while some are just trying hard to make a statement.

People would be surprised how pleasant this country is. I was lucky to have visited 6 states plus FTC and every place had its own story. Abuja, the capital, is beautiful. I am sometimes convinced that their capital is better than the capital of the Philippines - starting with the issue on traffic. Kidding. Let's not go there.

Living in this continent is a state of mind. It changes you and words are not

enough to explain the fascination of its wealth and culture. Asia is home but Africa is special. I am obviously excited to go home because of the stories I'm eager to tell. Stories that would hopefully break stereotypes and will build colorful imaginations.

A friend told me six months ago that I will be different six months after. I believed him. And ever since, I kept asking myself what has changed until this day.

I don't know if I will have the chance to come back but what I know is that I will leave nothing but memories that will be with me forever. I will miss you and everything about you. Thank you, Nigeria. Well done.

"You cannot leave Africa, Africa said. It is always with you, there inside your head. Our rivers run in currents in the swirl of your thumbprints; our drumbeats counting out your pulse; our coastline the silhouette of your soul." - Bridget Dore

How's your night?

In the Philippines, if someone asks you that question, you will either grin or get offended, but normally, you will never respond back. Nobody in their right mind will ever ask you about your night unless the person asking is a close friend and something interesting really happened that night or your life is an open book to the world.

My first time, I booked an Uber to take me somewhere (I couldn’t remember). It was a morning ride, I didn’t have enough sleep the night before because of jetlag and alcohol.

“How are you ma?” (ma = ma’m)

“I’m ok, thank you”

“How was your night?”

“Excuse me?”

Yes, that stranger guy, the Uber driver just asked me how my night was. Why does he care? Do I look like someone who was just hit by a bus? Do I have something on my face? WTF.

My second time, I was leaving the hotel when the security guard smiled.

“Good morning ma”

“Good morning, how fa?” (that’s me trying pidgn english for “how’s everything”)

“I dey fine, how was your night?”

Seriously?

Yes, folks. After several encounters, I realized that Nigerians don’t really give a damn about your night - it’s just an extended way of asking how you were.

And what is my point here?

Culture. Customs. Social behaviour. Way of life. If you go to other places and you see how others do things differently, you will realize how amazing diversity is. How strange people say their greetings. How they celebrate birthdays and special events. How they treat each other and outsiders. How they enjoy and have fun. How they value things that you and your people from home take for granted.

How they live.

But you will never appreciate all these things until you learn how to really observe and understand it. The comparison, the complaining and liking. I guess all of that is part of learning.

I can make friends, sure. But I never liked talking to taxi drivers on the road. I’d rather check my phone or sleep. But here? I lost count how many times I had a good conversation with my Uber driver. I told a friend once that you can’t really be sure how sociable you are until you travel alone and test your social skills.

Social skills? Ok, that’s another story. That’s for next time.

But have you ever wondered why you suddenly become a different person when you are out of your box? It’s a “survival” thing and we have that instinct for survival. We adopt and adapt.

And when you’re out there, you move, and you change. And when it’s time for your return, you go back with more things. More experiences. More stories to tell.

In the meantime, I have quite a list of things I’ve learned and still learning about this country and I assure you, it gets more interesting.

Cheers.

No Wahala

I know that I’ve been posting photos and videos on social media (well more on Instagram lol) and that some even had weird comments that I had to deal with, but not everyone knows how I’ve really been since I got here. First of all, it’s not my first time in Africa but it’s definitely my first experience in this region.

I remember searching everything about Nigeria through hashtags on IG, Twitter, travel vlogs on YouTube, and even watched this movie ‘Lionheart’ on Netflix to have more feels about the country. Well guess what, I’m glad I did all of that because that’s how a paranoid person would normally do.    

So, I’m based in Abuja which is the capital of Nigeria. I live in Asokoro, one of the major districts in Abuja, and I swear this place is better than Las Piñas!! It’s clean, secured, wide roads, aaaaaaaaaand traffic has been bearable. I suggest our Mayor to come and visit lol.

I’ve been trying to fit-in which has made me a social butterfly. Yes, and it’s kinda exhausting. Please don’t get me wrong. I like meeting new people and trying new things but the last time I checked, I’ve decided to be a boring person back home which made me a “Tita of Manila” until I stepped in this country. From an oldie to a hipster.

I read an article about the differences between travelling and moving abroad. It said that:

Traveling is like a whimsical romance; exciting, unpredictable, and passionate. But moving abroad, you strip the city and its local culture revealing its demons and angels. You become vulnerable, dependent, and invested. The lust of wander is compromised by its imperfections and challenges.

I don’t know about you but this one is true!

I became vulnerable, dependent, and invested. I’ve programmed myself to adapt to whatever is offered to me because of the main reason of survival. I’ve been trying to meet new people, understand the language (Pidgin English – please just google that) and try the food to survive. Well, it’s not a negative word, right? Survival?

This is my life now, so I need to deal with it and make new memories. And besides, I cannot just test the waters and just decide to return to base if everything becomes inconvenient because first of all, the airfare is freaking expensive and it’s not just how life works.

Anyhow, my first month went too fast. C-R-A-Z-Y. Nigerian music is really catchy guys! Please follow my playlist on Spotify 😊

I appreciate all the concerns back home to check if I’m still alive. Folks, I’m more than OK. I know I’ve been flexin’ a lot but I’m still standing! Maybe because I’ve embraced so much immediately and got lucky for the people who have been making things easy. I still need to push myself to cook though!

So, I guess it’s too early to answer my question before coming here if I really made the right decision – perhaps it’s ok to make a hypothesis. If I keep an open mind and trust the process and have faith that everything happens for a reason, then I won’t have to regret the decision I made.

Keep wishing me luck! 😉

Ps. No Wahala is “no problem” in pidgin english.

The Heart of The One Leaving

Growing up, I realized that I'm constantly challenged about something – my future. Everytime I am faced by an unsettling situation, I would ask myself “until when do I allow this to happen?” then unconsciously (or not) will ask for a change until I get it. I might not get the change immediately but I believe it’s always on the way.

I know how terrifying change is. I may be a risk taker but at the back of my mind, I would cringe and think of a rewind. Primarily because the fear of failure is there. The discomfort. The fear of the new. Change is constant and leaving from something is part of it.

“You get a strange feeling when you leave a place, like you’ll not only miss the people you love, but you miss the person you are at this time and place because you’ll never be this way ever again..” – Pinterest 

Wait, what? Ok, I am scared. As a matter of fact, I’m anxious. I sure did go outside my comfort zone few times but this time is different. Because life moves on for everybody but mine is different. I am going to that direction of uncertainty where I have to start a new life all by myself in a place where I can only trust my guts and instinct. A life that I asked and prayed for. Well, they said to be careful what you wish for because you might get it.

…but not how you envisioned it.

Yup, you heard it. I thought I was ready but I’m not. I didn’t expect it to be this life changing. The life I’m used to. My routine. My favorite mall. My favorite home-cooked meal. My go-to person/s. My house. My work space. My family and friends…and Wolfgang.
Everytime people send me their well wishes, I would always ask them to pray for me. I’m not religious but my faith tells me that prayers work (and can move mountains too).

“I left because I had other dreams. It was like outgrowing my favorite blanket and pair of pajamas when I was a child. What I once needed for peaceful sleep suddenly caused discomfort and restlessness. I needed to give in to growth that was inevitable. And life is too short for ill-fitting jammies, uncomfortable sheets, and for settling with high school and college dreams that were already fulfilled.” – Tricia Zafra  

To those who’ve decided to leave for good reason/s, I salute you. It’s not easy. You pretend to be brave but your mind is all over the place. You embrace the new hoping not to regret anything along the way. You will be sad everytime you miss your comfort zone but you will be fine. To those who will be left behind, I salute you too. You pretend to be OK with it but the truth is, you didn’t have a choice but to accept it.

So from the heart of the one leaving, if everything is easy, victory will not be as tasteful as that tequila shot I’ve been dying to take since last night.

Wish me luck! x