Dad

Dad would always insist for mom to travel even though it was always debatable whether his presence was really necessary. He said he has traveled the world already and he’s just glad to be home to relax.

I remember they were a bit pushy to get their visa application done because finally, they both agreed to travel together. One take, and they got it.
Unfortunately, dad’s work schedule was a bit tricky. He was sent back to work for a 6-12 month contract. Come September 2016, without dad, mom and I traveled together and we were both excited.
Dad arrived in Philippines a day after our departure. I remember he was ecstatic about mom’s first time in the Land of the Free. He would call me just to ask how our day was reminding me to look after mom. He was very proud of me. He said I’m used to travelling so I should know the drill.
Then he spilled the news to us.
His loss of appetite.
I was never that worried of him but when I was travelling back to the Philippines, I couldn’t stop myself from tearing up. I arrived home and he was the first person to welcome me. He looked pale. He’s definitely sick. After several tries of convincing him, he finally agreed to see the doctor. It was a normal busy day at work. I was facilitating a meeting when my phone rang.

BOOM. He’s diagnosed with colon cancer, stage 4.
I went back to the meeting room and forced to finish the discussion so I could absorb the worst news I just received in my life. What would a normal person feel? Do I need to hysterically cry over it? But where? I knew I needed to burst out. But how? Days after, my mom finally arrived in the country. We had our family photo taken and a little dine-out-together. We were glad to be complete again but we all knew that something was wrong.

Fast forward to May 2017: Though, I will never know what was on his mind during that time, I felt that he was happy and contented on his birthday. It was a usual celebration with family and cousins. As I was observing him laugh his heart out, I wondered if that would be his last birthday with us. Reality bites, I know.

02 July 2017: We brought dad to the hospital due to unrelieved pain in his stomach. Had I known that it was his last day at home, I would have taken a lot of pictures with him all over the place.

07 July 2017: His body started to release blood which we couldn’t trace where it was coming from. I thought that was the end. I wanted to wail my heart out but I had to hold it because mom was having her moment too. But dad was a fighter. He survived.
09 July 2017: Dad died in the afternoon. We talked about this when he was still alive. We had our long discussions on how he wanted to die. Mom was not happy about it but dad was clear on

everything. He wanted to be in his sleep.

Dad did not die while sleeping. He was fully awake. While he was catching his breath,

I was praying to God to stop his pain. It was my birthday gift. I asked for it. And HE answered. God doesn’t make mistakes. He has decided. And that was it.
I could have asked God to prolong his agony but I didn’t. I could have asked God to let him live longer so I could celebrate my birthday with him alive but I didn’t. Maybe that was a bad call, but I knew that time that my dad needed to go. Dad taught me well. He would always let me have difficult decisions on major things without any regrets. And so I did.
Now, a month later, I still can’t believe that he’s gone. Dad wanted me to get married and have a happy life. He told me not to be too bossy and picky otherwise I’d be all alone for the rest of my life. He even joked about getting me a “taong grasa” to marry. He was a bully like that.

I miss dad everyday. I will miss him when I get married (someday). I miss his random messages when I’m not around. I miss his hard advices. I never got the chance to ask him to teach me how to operate the complicated videoke he bought for me at home. But I will try anyway.

Despite everything, I hope he’s proud of what I have become. I hope I made him feel loved. He was my idol. He lived a tough life and he was successful. I know that dad is now in heaven. I know that he is just sailing around. I know that he is watching over us.
Til our next reunion, dad.

I’ll see you at the crossroads.