How It's Like to Have a COVID-19 Scare When You're Away from Home

Due to exhaustion and burnout, I've decided to start working from home on weekends. That was 2 weeks ago.

Friday morning last week, my voice started to sound weird. It went from 60% to 20%. I couldn't speak well and struggled to every phone call I got the whole day but still managed to enjoy the weekend.

Come Saturday, my voice went from 20% to 10% and started coughing with sore throat. I was confused if I should go to the office the next day because I thought I was fine. FYI, work resumes on Sundays in Bangladesh.

Obviously, I went to the office on Sunday because there was no way that I could skip my important meetings that day. I reported my condition to our in-house physician and UN doctor and was prescribed for medication but was also advised to go home. Although my body temperature was perfectly normal, it's better to self-isolate and observe for any developed symptoms. 

A day after, my sore throat was completely gone but still coughing. The next day, my voice progressed from 10% to 95%. However, since I'm not yet officially well, I've decided to finally request for COVID-19 PCR test just to be sure and for my peace of mind. I was confused at first if I should get it because I didn't have fever or something. But after consulting with my doctor friends, I said, why not. When you are in that situation, believe me.. decision making is not that easy so better know which advice to take.  

I was expecting to get the confirmation for my appointment and finally got booked the next day - Wednesday.

I got up super early and was feeling anxious. I felt like having a bad headache. I called the clinic to confirm the time of collection but they said it's uncertain and be patient. Yes, I guess that's what I needed.. patience. 

The medical personnel did a home-service to get my samples. It was almost lunch time and I was starving. It was a nasopharyngeal swab sampling. It was awkwardly painful but not that intense - I guess it would depend on the person's tolerance. It felt like I snorted a ton of water lol. He left and I resumed working as if nothing happened. I was told that it would take 24 hours to receive the result. Damn, I hate waiting and that, folks, were the longest 24 hours of my life. 

I told my family about it. I got mixed reactions but ultimately, they were all supportive and had zero drama. 

In less than 24 hours, I received a notification through my email. I couldn't believe it. I didn't open it. I was damn scared. But a text message popped-up for the same reason.

NEGATIVE.

Suddenly all the rush went out from all parts of my body like I was relieved from an intense roller coaster ride. That's it. I'm just having a normal cold. I wish I could jump around and hug everyone who were scared with and for me. A virtual high-five for now, I guess.

I don't get scared, scared. I'm always up for thrills and I find some contentment with it (except with rodents, ewwwww). But because I'm alone and away from home, I get to have those what-if scares, you know. 

Not all would understand me but when you're out and about and you've been exposed to different things, you know at some point that you are vulnerable but you have to be strong and cringe alone. Life is short and has full of surprises. Even if you think that you're the bravest, something will scare you somehow until you learn your lesson that you're just a normal person like everyone else and will, at some point, lose and get beaten by it. 

Here's to all the brave souls. May we all learn to acknowledge our losses and accept that fear will keep us all night long and will make us stronger. 

Why I Chose to Stay in Bangladesh During COVID-19 Crisis

I've been wanting to write something during this period but I just couldn't because of my workload. As you know, I am still working as usual, I go to the office, but 7 days a week. The government of Bangladesh imposed for lockdown which they call a "general holiday" since 25 March 2020. It was supposed to be a 10-day shutdown only but we all expected that it will be extended (now it's until 25 April). 

Before WHO declared COVID-19 as pandemic, I already booked a ticket to the Philippines for a 2-week vacation in May. I booked it as early as 05 February as the situation seemed normal that time. On 21 Feb, I received a notification from Thai Airways about flight adjustments. From 2 hours to 14 hours, layover. I thought it wasn't really a big deal. Well it was, because I had to stay overnight in Bangkok but I never expected that something serious was about to happen.

Come March, countries started to impose travel bans. On 18 March, my flight was officially cancelled. Was I sad? I was devastated. President Duterte said that Filipino citizens are welcome to come home but not as if he will send chartered planes to countries to pick us all up. USA did. Not sure in other countries, but that's what they did in Bangladesh. 

Working overseas is not easy especially when you're alone. It's overwhelming, that's why we need social life to balance it out. But now, the only thing that's close to social life is ZOOM-ing.  

COVID-19 lockdown is the world's biggest psychological experiment. I call it a Great Depression. Businesses are closing, people are losing jobs, and the middle class is facing its greatest threat in this lifetime. Our human interactions are so limited that we feel deprived. After this crisis, we don't even know where to start or how to act normal because we are confused to what's normal like.

People ask me why I'm still here. Well, although Thai Airways bailed on me, there was actually one last option: to fly through Malaysia Airlines. I had that small window to go home but I did not. Why? 

"This is not something we imagined would ever happen but we need to remember that our work is vital now more than ever.."

Our Country Rep told us that. And for me, that's enough for me to stay. 

Some few colleagues left and I don't blame them. It's not as if they're less humanitarian than us. They had their own valid reasons and when the shit hits the fan, should we feel bad for staying? I don't think so. Because we all had our chances. We all had our dilemmas. We all had those sleepless nights. And whatever was decided was already decided. It is what it is. 

I don't regret staying. We are placed right where we are but the process is painful. I don't have to lie about it. I'm fighting everyday and it's exhausting. Someday we will look back while we tell stories to younger generations. 

We need to survive this. We should. Because this whole thing... is one for the books.